We all know what it feels like walking at night alone in the dark, getting ready to have that presentation, going for a job interview, preparing for a final exam, or thinking what will happen if something terrible happens like losing a loved one. That feeling is fear.
Fear is a common experience to all human beings. It is an emotion triggered by a perceived danger or threat. Our brains are made to respond to potential threats in our environment to keep us safe. The brain sends signals to our body making us ready for fight or flight whenever we encounter something that our brain perceives as a threat. When this happens you start to sweat, your heart rate increases, and you have tremors in your body. There is no question that fear is very helpful for us to be able to survive, but it can be very limiting as well for us to make serious progress in life.
Despite the fact that fear is a human experience, it doesn’t have to stop us from reaching and achieving our goals and living our best lives. In this article I want to explore strategies to help all of us to understand, challenge and quickly manage our fears and also find ways to seek help when needed to cope. Through implementing these strategies we will become more and more confident and feel free, which will enable us to go for those goals and dreams that we create each new year.
1. UNDERSTAND YOUR FEAR
The first step if you want to overcome or face it head on is to understand it. It is crucial to know that not all fears are the same and that different fears can have different root causes. For example, some fears may be rational and based on a real threat, while others may be irrational and based on a perceived threat that is unlikely to materialize.
If you understand the root cause of your fears you can truly come up with a plan to overcome the fear. Furthermore you need also to be able to identify the exact triggers that cause your fear. You can take baby steps to manage your reaction and develop strategies to “go to war” with your fear. When you understand your fear, you can also understand how it can prevent you from achieving your goals.
Sun Tzu in The Art of War says that “if you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.” Hence, understanding fear is crucial. You do not want to win only battles but you want to win the war as well. In the beginning, you will lose the battles since you still do not know the enemy very well but if you continue to learn as shown below, you will win more of those and eventually win the war. Let’s start to by understanding fear.
There are hundreds if not millions of sources of fear and they can vary from one person to another. I provide just a few fears below and people’s experiences to them are different. Some common sources of fear include:
– Past traumas: Going through things such as abuse, neglect, abandonment or other traumatic events can cause long-term fears and anxieties that can be difficult to overcome.
– Social Anxiety: Fear of social situations or interactions can make it difficult to connect with others and can hold you back in both personal and professional settings.
– Failure: Fear of failure or not measuring up to expectations can prevent you from taking risks and achieving your goals.
– Various phobias: Phobias are intense fears of certain objects, situations or activities, such as flying, spiders, snakes or heights.
– Health Anxiety: Being afraid of illness or disease can lead to excessive worry and delusional problems.
– Generalized Anxiety: This is general fear and worry that can affect many aspects of one’s life and can be a huge hindrance in one’s daily life.
These are important first step questions to start with when thinking about facing your fear. These will help you with the causes of fear and to identify exact triggers. Armed with this information you will come up with a plan of attack.
Some questions to consider when you think about fears:
- What situations or activities cause your fears and anxieties?
- Are your fears or anxieties based on real or perceived danger?
- Are there past experiences that might affect your fears?
- How has the fear negatively impacted your life?
- How much has the fear been making you ineffective?
2. Overcome negative thoughts and beliefs
There is a lot that can be said about our thoughts. Negative thoughts and beliefs can be major factors causing our fear and anxiety. If we hold limiting beliefs about ourselves or talk negatively about ourselves we can start to view the world through those beliefs and think the world is a hostile and dangerous environment. You can find yourself in a constant loop of fear which can hinder progress and new adventures in life.
For example, if you are terrified of public speaking, you might believe that “I’m not good enough” or “everyone will judge me”. This can increase your anxiety and make it difficult to overcome the fear. Similarly, if you are afraid of flying, negative beliefs such as “flying is dangerous” or “I will never survive a plane crash” can make it difficult to feel safe on a plane.
It is paramount that you identify and challenge these negative thoughts and beliefs. One of the proven techniques to overcome this is through cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), a type of therapy that helps people identify and change their negative thought patterns. The techniques works by helping you to challenge these thoughts and to replace them with more realistic and empowering beliefs, which can tremendously reduce fear and anxiety. This helps you raise your confidence and resilience.
Some of the common negative thoughts we engage in:
- All or nothing thinking: Seeing things in black and white, with no middle ground. For example, if you fear public speaking, you may think that if you make even one mistake during the speech, you will be a total failure and everyone will judge you harshly. People in the audience will come and burn down your house!
- Catastrophizing: Imagining the worst possible scenario of a situation and believing that it is more likely to happen than any other outcome. For example, if you are afraid of spiders, you can create a disaster by imagining a spider crawling on you and biting you, although the chances of this happening are very low. I am currently working through the fear of snakes!
- Mind reading: Assuming you know what other people are thinking or feeling, although there is no supporting evidence. For example, if you have social anxiety, you might expect everyone at a party to judge you, even though you have no way of knowing what they’re really thinking. First time going to the gym, I thought everyone was looking at me thinking “why you are here?”. None of that happened of course! Just my mind “knowing” what others were thinking!
- Overgeneralization: Taking one negative experience and applying it to all similar situations. For example, if you had a bad experience with a dog when you were younger, you may be afraid of all dogs, even though most dogs are friendly and non-threatening.
- Personalization: This involves taking things too personally and believing that negative events or experiences are your fault. For example, if you fear rejection, you might think that if someone doesn’t want to hang out with you, it’s because there’s something wrong with you.
If we engage in negative thought patterns, our brains often see situations as more dangerous than they are, which triggers a fear response. However, if we challenge negative thoughts and beliefs, we reduce the intensity of our response to fear and we can help our brains perceive situations more accurately and reduce the intensity of the response to our fear.
For example, If you have a presentation coming up and you are afraid of public speaking you can be very nervous about your performance and think thoughts such as “I will screw up” or “I will be fired after” or “everyone will laugh at me.” These thoughts can reinforce the fear response and make the successful presentation more difficult.
You need to challenge these negative thoughts by replacing them with more positive and realistic beliefs, such as “I have prepared well for this presentation” or “I have given successful presentations in the past”. You can reduce the intensity of your fear response and emotions and feel in control and with much more confidence.
By challenging negative thoughts and beliefs, we can train our brains to see situations with greater accuracy and reduce the intensity of our fear response, which allows us to overcome our fear and grow more resilient.
So how can we challenge these negative thoughts and replace them with more empowering ones?
Here are the strategies:
First, you need to do cognitive restructuring. This involves identifying negative thoughts and replacing them with more positive and realistic ones. You can start by writing down your negative thoughts and then ask yourself if they are true. If not, try to find a more positive and realistic belief with which to replace them. Only truth will get the vote on this stage – anything else does not get your vote. If is not true then discard it. (read my article on game plan for clear thinking here )
Second, you need to practice mindful meditation. This involves paying attention to the present moment without judgment. By practicing mindfulness, you can become more aware of your negative thoughts and learn to observe them without getting stuck in them. This can help you challenge your negative thoughts and beliefs more objectively and rationally. Remember Aristotle: “It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.”
Third, keep a journal that you look at occasionally to be grateful. You can call it a gratitude journal if you want. This involves writing down the things you are grateful for every day or week or month or a year. Do not assume you are grateful in your mind. Write down things that you are grateful for. By focusing on the positive aspects of your life, you can change your perspective and challenge negative thoughts and beliefs.
Fourth, you must have positive affirmations. It literary means saying to yourself “I am loved”, “I am desired”, “I can do that”, “ I can speak in public”, “ I can do math”, “ I can get a job” or “I am confident.” By reinforcing positive beliefs about yourself, you can challenge negative thoughts and increase self-confidence. This is the most unnatural thing for us to do because and you are probably thinking I cannot do this. I know why. It is because we think negatively all the time. An average human being generates about 50,000 – 62,000 thoughts a day! Guess how many are negative? You know it (because you do it too): 70 -80 % of thoughts are negative! That is 40,000 thoughts that are ungrateful, worrisome, fearful, angry for no reason, revengeful and … you do not want me to continue. So, get on with practicing generating positive thoughts. Seriously, how many positive thoughts can you remember today that you engaged in? How about negative thoughts? I bet the latter was easier to think about.
Overall, using these strategies to challenge negative thoughts and beliefs can reduce the intensity of your fear response and increase resilience, allowing you to overcome your fears and live a more fulfilling life.
3. Practice self-care and stress reduction
Reducing stress and taking care of yourself are very helpful strategies for managing fear and anxiety. Here are some examples of self-care practices that can help:
- Exercise: Physical activity can help reduce stress and anxiety by releasing endorphins and improving mood. Aim for at least 30 minutes of moderate intensity exercise each day. This is easier said than done but I’ve found this true since I started doing it.
- Eat a healthy diet: A balanced diet that includes plenty of fruits, vegetables, and whole grains can provide the nutrients your body needs to manage stress and anxiety. Avoid foods high in sugar or caffeine, which can worsen anxiety symptoms.
- Sleep hygiene: Adequate sleep is essential for managing stress and anxiety. Aim to set a regular sleep schedule by going to bed or waking up at the same time each day.
- Relaxation techniques: Deep breathing exercises, progressive muscle relaxation and guided imagery are all techniques that help reduce stress and anxiety. For this one I just turn on the TV and go to YouTube and I do an easy 10 minutes. Try it!
5. Breathe deeply: Breathe slowly, deeply in through your nose and out through your mouth. Focus on your breathing and try to let go of any distracting thoughts.
6. Progressive muscle relaxation: Tighten and relax all the muscle groups in the body, starting from the toes and moving up to the neck.
7. Guided imagery: Close your eyes and imagine yourself in a calm and relaxing environment. Focus on your senses and imagine the sights, sounds and smells of your peaceful surroundings.
4. Face Your Fears
Slowly face your fears. It is an important part of overcoming them. Avoidance can make our fears stronger and harder to overcome in the long run.
Here are some ways you can face those fears:
- Gradual Exposure: This involves gradually facing your fear in small, manageable steps. For example, if you are afraid of dogs, you might start by looking at pictures of dogs, then move on to watching videos of dogs, and then finally pet a dog.
- Systematic desensitization: This involves combining relaxation techniques such as deep breathing or progressive muscle relaxation with the feared situation. For example, if you have a fear of speaking, you can practice relaxation techniques by imagining yourself giving a speech. This is my go-to all the time.
- Virtual Reality Exposure Therapy: This involves using virtual reality technology to simulate a feared situation in a safe and controlled environment. This can be especially useful for phobias or fears that are difficult to recreate in real life. You do not need virtual reality goggles – honestly just use your imagination. But if you have the goggles then watch rollercoaster rides to overcome the fear of heights.
If you are uncertain or unsure, it can be helpful to work with a therapist who can guide you through the process and offer support and encouragement.
Facing your fears can be very scary, but also incredibly empowering. Every time you face your fear, you build confidence and resilience that will help you face future challenges. With a little patience, persistence and support, you can overcome your fears and live a fuller life.
5. Get support
- Friends and Family: Talking to trusted friends or family members can provide emotional support and encouragement. They can also help keep you accountable and create a sense of community.
- Therapy: A mental health professional can provide guidance and support to overcome fear and anxiety. They can help you develop coping strategies and provide a safe space to explore and face your fears.
- Support groups: Joining a support group of people who share your fears can be a helpful way to connect with others who understand what you’re going through. It can also provide reassurance and encouragement.
Lastly, I want you to know that seeking support is a sign of strength, not weakness. It takes courage to face your fears, and it’s good to lean on others for support along the way. Don’t be afraid to reach out and ask for help when you need it.
Cheers!
In summary, the strategies for overcoming fear discussed in this post are:
- Understand your fear and its root causes
- Challenge negative thoughts and beliefs
- Practice self-care and stress reduction
- Face your fear gradually with exposure therapy or desensitizing exercises
- Seek support from friends, family, therapy or support groups.