It is very difficult to believe that you have a lot of input for what goes on in your life when everything that you do seem to be beyond your control. I definitely used to think this way especially because of the way I grew up. There are things that are definitely beyond our control like the weather, where were are born, our race, our siblings, our parents, among other things. But equally we have so many things that are within our control as well.

We are in control of what clothes to wear, what to eat, what to watch, what to listen to, how to live, who to marry, if we should go to school, what job we want, how many qualifications we want, where to live, and many many more choices available to us.

But if you were born in places that had very limited resources like I did then it might seem that you really have no choice. You still have a choice even thought the options are few. How does this relate to the topic of taking full responsibility you might ask? Actually, it does have everything to do with it.

Taking full responsibility is acknowledging the fact that you are response-able. Response-ability means that you are going to use all the tools and skills you have to make sure that you look after things that are within your power. It means that before you blame others you are going to first look at yourself and ask a simple question:

How should I respond to this situation?

When I arrived in Canada in 2012, I was shocked by how much the weather was unforgiving to someone like me who grew up in such a warm climate. I want the winter to be only for the people who were “used” to it and were born in Canada. Little did I know that the winter did not care about my wishes. Thinking through this process very much helped me to see that I am going to be in Canada for a while. In fact, I realized that I am going to be in Canada for most of my life and I will either live complaining as long as I am in Canada or I can change my response to the immutable weather.

I took full responsibility and realized that even though I cannot change the weather I can do a number of things about it. I changed my mindset and said the weather is not to blame but my response was not appropriate. The weather is neither good nor bad. It is neutral; it was me who interpret it as bad. So, I took full responsibility on how I approach the weather with the following actions:

Acknowledge that the weather is cold. This is a fact!
Stay in places where the weather is relatively warm for the part of the year
Have warm gear all the time
Play indoor rather than outdoor soccer (actually find a team)
Be on time to take a bus instead of going to the bus stop early and waiting for 20 minutes in the cold
Buy a vehicle when able and make sure the car has heated seats
If possible use technology to make the car start when you are still in the house or far away so that when you come inside the car it is already warm
If the weather is really a concern to me, I can consider leaving the country. I am not a tree. People move all the time!

You can believe that I have already acted on the solutions to make sure that I enjoy my winters even though they are not the same as summer. It is 100% better than when I used to complain at the bus stop, while going to class, while going to buy groceries, about why I could not play sports in the winter, about why I sneeze all the time in the cold and on and on.

What are the benefits of taking full responsibility?

Here are five reasons to take full responsibility.

1. You take charge of your life

There are very few things that make us feel more miserable than feeling like nothing you do matters. This feeling is what has been called learned helplessness. This happens when someone encounters a very stressful situation over and over again and they come to learn that no matter what they do the situation will not change. So, the person does not do anything even when chances arise to change because they have been conditioned to believe that they are unable to change.

There is a course offered by one of the top institutions in the world for free called foundations of positive psychology by Martin E.P. Seligman, PHD. In this course Seligman talks about the idea of positive psychology which is the opposite of learned helplessness. Seligman talks about the idea of learned optimism which makes you empowered to challenge your thought processes which can be a game changer to have positive outcomes in your life! You can also check out the book here.

2. You grow into the toughest version of yourself

One thing that you might have already realized is that you are stronger than you think. If you do not believe me take a moment and think of things that you did in the past that surprised you. You finished that assignment on time despite all odds, you raised that child, you gave more than you thought possible, you are reading this article and many other things!

Now imagine you being even tougher than that. Being the best of you each and everyday! Instead of leaving that child alone you did everything to provide. Instead of you not writing that paper you finished it. Instead of you running away you came back. Now, imagine doing this week in week out. You can be tough by taking full responsibility for everything.

3. You become more confident

We all have the satisfied feeling after doing something like making the dinner, doing the dishes, taking a shower, and getting everything in order. You feel like you are a superhuman. Then tomorrow comes and you go back to the version of yourself that leaves things undone for weeks if not months. Doing this erodes self-confidence of what we are capable of doing in the future.

When thing are are not done the way we want we blame instead of acknowledging what we are capable of. By fully doing things consistently other people close to you notice and comment and your confidence will grow. This confidence can really rub off on other people to motivate them act the way you are.

4. You embrace a student mentality over a master mentality

Do you have a student mentality or a master mentality? If you have a master mentality you think that you know all there is to know, but if you have a student mentality you are in a constant learning process. It is very unfortunate that in our lives we reach a point when we think we know all there is to know and we think that we cannot do other things more than what we have done.

It becomes very obvious that we don’t have all the knowledge we claim to have because when we make a mistake we blame others instead of taking full responsibility. If you knew everything and you acted with that knowledge then you would take full responsibility for the outcomes. The reason why we fail to take full responsibility is because of pride.

The right attitude should be like what the Alcoholic Anonymous prayer says: “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference”

And if you don’t believe in God then at least acknowledge that there are people who know way more than you do.

So be a student and never a master. Own mistakes because students make them all the time and you are one even when you are 200 years old!

5. You make great friendships and improve relationships

People love those who own their own mistakes. Reason? Because they too make mistakes and it shows that you are humble. You are going to make very good friends who rely on you because they will know that you will not be their judge since they know your own mistakes.

You know how it feels like when you talk to a “saint” friend and when you talk to a real friend. Who would you rather have?

Take full responsibility for the things in your life and the world will be an oasis of friends.

To summarize the 5 reasons to take full responsibility:

You take charge of your life
You grow into the toughest version of yourself
You become more confident
You embrace a student mentality over a master mentality
You make great friendships and improve relationships